October Daily Vibes | Agreements Day 21

Day 21 Law of Attraction Centering Thought

I recognize others as the fullness of who they are.

There is no greater gift that you can give to others than the gift of recognizing them as they really are.  ~  Abraham
 
Assumptions are made so fast and unconsciously most of the time because we have agreements to communicate this way.  We have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we feel.  ~  Don Miguel Ruiz  

Agreement Three – Don’t Make Assumptions

It follows that since we are all walking around in our own universes that unless you ask what the other means or wants, or express what you want – all of what you think about the outside world is an assumption.

Don Miguel teaches that we make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking, we take it personally, and then we blame them and react by sending negative words. We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are; we literally dream things up in our imagination. Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions that we believe are right, then we defend our assumptions and try to make others wrong.

Asking as a Practice

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to tell them what we want. We assume they are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel hurt. The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask a question. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are as clear as you can be. Once you hear the answers, you will not have to make assumptions because you will know the truth both of you agree on.

We Make It Up As We Go Along

Since we make up our perceptions the practice is to shift your perception if it initiates unpleasant emotions. Then you know your perception is different from your Source. It is an ongoing practice to observe what you don’t want and shift your thinking to a perception that is in sync with Source. In time this can become a way of being in life so that it is more automatic to perceive the clarity of the answer, solution, or possibility in whatever the condition. Abraham teaches that is the fifth step in the creative process – appreciating the blessing of the contrast – not getting mad that you have experienced step one – asking by the observing of the unwanted condition.

Katie Byron’s “the work” is a practice focused on dismantling assumptions. At a low point in her life she had a transpersonal experience during which she experienced being love and that all is perfect. As the affect of the experience faded she observed how her mind was working and developed what she calls, “the work”, to assist others to know the love they are.

She teaches that the dimension where we have control is the inside, everyone is a mirror image of yourself – your own thinking coming back to you, reality is actually kinder than the stories we tell about it, no one can hurt you – that is your job, don’t let go of your concepts – meet them with understanding and then they let go of you, nothing outside you can ever give you what you’re looking for, and just keep coming home to yourself. You are the one you’ve been looking for. Her prayer is “God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen.”

In her book, “Loving What Is”, she details the process. We suggest her questions as a process to do this week.

Process

Commit this week to not making assumptions. We suggest using Katie Byron’s questions from “the work” as a way to undo assumptions.

Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround

1. Is it true? Ask yourself, “Is it true that he doesn’t listen to me?” Be still. If you really want to know the truth, the answer will rise to meet the question.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Can you really know that it’s true that Paul doesn’t listen to you? Can you ever really know when someone is listening or not? Are you sometimes not listening even when you appear to be?

3. How do react when you think that thought? Examine how you react. Are your feelings telling you that the thought is out of sync with the thought of your Inner Being? How do you treat Paul when you think the thought, Paul doesn’t listen to me. What is your inner dialogue? Make a list of what you think, say or do.

4. What would you be without the thought? Close your eyes and imagine you didn’t have the thought – Paul doesn’t listen to me. Take your time. Notice what is revealed to you. What do you see? How does that feel?

Turnaround – reverse the thought. Instead of I don’t like Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, turn it around to I don’t like myself because I don’t listen to Paul, or make assumptions that he is not listening? Is that true or truer for you? Are you listening to Paul when you are thinking about him not listening to you?